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Do I have too many options?

Do I keep my options open too much? I read this post today and it really hit home. I think a lot of my frustrations come from keeping my options as open as possible.

I just started a new job. It should be great. It’s a big bump in pay from where I was. It involves more responsibility and I will be learning all kinds of new things that will help my career over time. Yet I’m hating every minute of it. I miss the people I used to work with. I don’t feel like I fit in. I’m totally overwhelmed with the work. Everything about this job makes me want to go back to the old one. I know deep down that isn’t the right move, but it’s in my head and causing me to lose focus in this new job.

On top of that I am still waiting to hear about another job I interviewed for. It sounds pretty ideal, but maybe that’s just because I don’t like this job that much. Having this other possibility out there makes it hard to focus on this job too.

The crazy part is that leading up to taking this job I was pretty excited. It’s more money than I’ve ever made. It’s a good career step. Basically it was an awesome move and the right choice at the time. So why am I frustrated now? Is it really that I don’t like the job or is it that I know there are other options out there?

This hits in other parts of my life too. I’ve been in a great relationship for years, but I haven’t gotten married. I’m not looking for better options, but maybe I’m waiting for something more. I don’t know. It’s probably harming our relationship or at least harming my mindset.

I’ve moved around the country too. I moved to San Francisco, which has been awesome. Despite that, I constantly think about moving back to Minnesota. Or Florida. Or Seattle. Or New York. Basically I have the option to do whatever I want, but no real reason to pick one and go with it.

Overall I constantly have one foot out the door. I’m not “all in” about anything in my life. How do I fix this? How do I cut off those options to make my choices easier? Do I do it here or move somewhere more stable? Is this the job I want? Do I just need a goal? Or a system to work towards?

I know it’s good to have some options. Without them I wouldn’t be in SF making 6 figures in a good job. I’d probably still be bitching about life in MN. Stuck in a condo and a dead end job.

Who knows….

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Everything is Temporary

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that everything is temporary. Everything good or bad in our lives and everyone else’s lives is only here for a short amount of time and then it’s gone. All of our problems are really just temporary problems.

I’ve been frustrated with my job a lot lately. The cubicle can really be draining. Poor management decisions are annoying. Not having enough money is depressing.

But in all reality, all of that can and will change. I can change these things on my own of course. I could find another job or ask for a raise. Not all of the options I try will work out all that well, but something will. Things could even get worse, but if I keep in mind that they are only temporary, I can keep looking for a way to change them.

This works both ways unfortunately. You can’t hold onto the things you love most in the world. Everyone you know will some day leave you or die. Your great friends will some day not even remember you. You might not remember them. The love of your life may leave you and marry someone else. Or die in a car accident. Your parents will most likely die before you.

The question is, how can we keep this from depressing us? We love the idea that the bad things in our lives are temporary. Everyone has said, “Someday when things are better, xyz will happen”. It’s a relief to think about that. Someday I will make more money or have a better job or find someone who loves me or move to a new city. But we hate the opposite. The idea that we will lose everything good in our lives is hard. Death and loss are sad. They hurt us and make us cry.

So where’s the balance? Maybe if we think about the fact that everything is temporary regularly we won’t be as sad. Maybe when something good happens, we might think that someday it will be gone. Maybe then we’ll appreciate it more. When something bad happens we can do the same. We can realize that it’s only a matter of time until it’s over.

I think once we realize that everything is truly temporary we can be relieved. Everything our lives won’t be perfect. It never will. Change is happening constantly. Every day something new can happen. Don’t hold on to your loves and hates. Just recognize them and enjoy them for what they are.

Once you realize that things just are you can truly grow in life. You make your own happiness. The events that occur are just a part of life, but if you aren’t happy inside you will not be able to weather those events.

Big changes coming soon. Not sure if they’ll be good or bad, but they are going to happen.

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Regret and how to make big decisions

I had a really interesting idea last night. I’ve been struggling with some big decisions lately and am really at a loss of what to do. I think I’ve figured out why. Regret.

I’ve realized that I have a lot of regrets about things in my life. I think everybody does. I’ve also realized that the reason I have such trouble making big decisions is that I constantly worry about whether or not I will regret the decision. This leads to indecision and countless hours spent worrying about something. In the end, I make the decision and end up regretting something regardless.

I think this is a good process to make big decisions:

1. Thing about all of the big decisions in your past. What do you regret about them? I have regrets about moving to Minnesota. Moving to San Francisco. Women. Taking certain jobs. Going to college at UF. Buying a condo. Buying a crappy cell phone. Even buying little things like clothes or shoes. I think about these decisions and realize that I have tons of regrets.

2. Now think about if you’d made the opposite decision. What regrets would you have then? If I’d stayed in FL, I would regret never leaving. If I’d stayed in MN, I’d regret never leaving. If I’d dump my girlfriend, I’d miss her. If I’d taken a different job, I’d regret missing the one I got. If I’d kept renting and not bought the condo, I’d regret not living downtown. The point here is to realize that you would have regrets no matter what you do. We all try to justify how perfect and awesome our lives would be if we’d only made a different decision, but the reality is that we will always regret something.

3. Now you can realize that you would have regrets no matter what you do. We all try to justify how perfect and awesome our lives would be if we’d only made a different decision, but the reality is that we will always regret something. Life is short and you can only do so much. You can really do anything you want with your life, but you can’t do everything. You can only live in one place at a time. You can only have one job (or maybe 2) at a time. You have to make decisions and pick one thing over another. And sadly, you will always have feelings of regret about not picking the other option. This is human nature we always find things that we don’t like about our current situation and wish we had another situation.

4. This means you can stop worrying about whether or not you will regret your decisions. No matter what you choose, there will be something you don’t like about it. By realizing this, you can free yourself from worry. You now know that there will definitely be feelings of regret in life. Why worry about it? They’re going to happen anyway.

5. Decisions will still be tough to make though. You will still wonder which option you will regret less. So, start with a list. Write out a big list of all of the things you might regret about each option. We always like to get caught up in the good things, but forget the bad. So what will you regret about each choice?

What will I regret if I move back to MN? I will regret not having warm weather, working in the tech industry in SF, living in a great city, being in California, being on an adventure, being close to the mountains, being able to see all kinds of neat stuff on the west coast.

What will I regret if I stay in SF? I will regret not having the close friends I once had there, not seeing my nieces grow up, not being able to easily go camping during the nice months, being further from my family in MN and FL, being able to live in a house, having a car, being able to save more money and become financially independent, going fishing in Canada, going to the BWCA, having more vacation days.

There are more on both sides. The point is to make a huge list, but focus on what you will regret about each decision. Then weigh which will have more regrets. You should start leaning one way or the other. Combine this with the gut feeling you have and you should be able to make your decision.

6. Make the decision. Realize that you will have feelings of regret about that decision. But also realize that you would have regretted the other option too. It doesn’t really matter which one you chose, there are always downsides to both. Now you can live with the freedom and peace of mind that either decision wasn’t perfect.

Big decisions are tough and I haven’t made one yet on this. But I have truly realized that I can stop worrying about what I will regret because I will always regret something. Without the worry, you can make a clear choice and leave the stress behind.

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36 Hour Fast

Today I’m doing a 36 hour fast and am going to check in occasionally to write about it on here. I’m doing it for a couple reasons.

1. I’m doing a perfect eating month to lose weight. I’m avoiding sugary and starchy food to lose this weight. A fast like this will be a nice boost.
2. I like to experiment and challenge myself. This is a little of both.
3. I want to see if it improves my mental capacity.

So anyway, I’m already 14 hours in. I haven’t eaten anything since dinner last night. I will only have coffee, tea and water until breakfast tomorrow.

8:30 a.m. – 14 hrs – I’m feeling pretty good. Usually I don’t have breakfast anyways, so this isn’t a big deal. Doing low carb over the past couple of weeks has set me up nicely to not be hungry for long periods of time. I’m at work now and should be busy enough to keep my mind off it. I’ve had my coffee this morning with coconut oil and heavy cream. And am drinking water now.

10:00 a.m. – 15.5 hrs – Still going strong. Glad I’m busy at work so I don’t get too bored today. I’m not feeling hungry at all. I haven’t had a second coffee yet, but probably will around 11.

1:00 p.m. – 18.5 hrs – Still doing alright. I’m getting the low blood sugar feeling. It should pass. I will drink some water. I had a small coffee for lunch and went and sat in the sun. It was really nice. The sun really energized me for a while. I will definitely be alright and able to make it though. I think the coffee may have made me feel a little shaky. It should wear off though. I may have a green tea around 4. Besides that, things are good.

3:00 p.m. – 20.5 hrs – The jitters have totally passed. I’m not really feeling hungry at all right now. Sure I’d like to eat something, but it’s not bad at all. I’m a little chilly though. I think the air is on full blast in here. But I’m still in short sleeves. I should throw my hoodie on. I do think I’m going to go get a green tea to keep me awake for some more spreadsheet work this afternoon. I’d really just like to go home! I’m going to go lift weights tonight too. Hopefully that goes alright. I will really enjoy the bacon and eggs tomorrow morning.

5:00 p.m. – 22.5 hrs – I’m feeling good. I’m not feeling hungry. My stomach is very silent. No growling, no digesting, nothing. It’s very empty. My pants are fitting a little looser too. My tea was good. It didn’t give me the same jittery feelings as the coffee did. Tonight, I’m heading home, then going to the gym. After, we’ll watch some TV and probably go to bed somewhat early. The more I do and the less I just sit around, the less I will think about it. My head is still feeling pretty clear. I’m really seeing why people do this for mediation. It makes things seem quieter or something. I’m definitely enjoying this and will do again, probably next week. The only negative thing I’m feeling right now is cold. My hands are chilly. I’m hoping working out goes pretty far to warm me up and make me feel good. I’m not going to overdo it, but I will push myself. The morning will bring some tasty food and then we shall see how weigh in goes next week. I’m already down 4 pounds for the month and would like to be down another 4 on Friday.

8:00 p.m. – 25.5 hrs – Back from a workout and feeling great. I was really hungry but it’s passed. Strangely lifting weights gave me more energy.

Well things went really well for my 36 hour fast. I didn’t eat anything last night after my work out. It was really weird. Around 6 last night, I was starving and shaky. I didn’t think I could make it. But then I got up and went to the gym around 7. I had a really solid work out. It’s like my body tapped into it’s fat stores to bring out a ton of energy.

Afterwards, we went home and watched some TV. It was nice to relax a bit. After the gym, I really didn’t feel all that hungry at all. I did get a slight headache around 9, but it wasn’t too bad. I went to bed right at 10 so I didn’t have to think about eating anymore.

This morning I woke up and really felt great. I didn’t feel hungry at all. It was really strange. I ate anyway though. Bacon, eggs and some fruit. Man that tasted good. Now today, it’s back to normal eating. Healthy and low carb still of course, but I can eat as much as I want.

The whole thing was a really interesting experience. I feel like it was a solid challenge, but totally do able. I’m going to start trying to do this more often. I can see doing it once a week.

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I am someone who…

I am…

Someone who lifts weights regularly.
Someone who doesn’t like starchy and sugary food.
Someone who gets good sleep.
Someone who is running a 5K this Sunday.
Someone who is not drinking for the month of January.
Someone who runs sprints once in a while.
Someone who meditates.
Someone who is happy about their life.
Someone who can make big decisions that improve their live.
Someone who is really good at their job.

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/the-stories-we-tell-ourselves/#axzz2pv4DWm6I

Have a good one.

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Give up alcohol for January

I’m doing a “Dry January” for 2014. I will have no alcohol for the full month of January.

I’ve actually had a pretty good start so far. On New Years Eve, I didn’t drink much at all. Just a couple glasses of wine. I’m not a huge drinker overall, but I regularly drink on most weekends. Even then, it’s usually just a few. That adds up though.

I’m also going to work on eating healthier and exercising, but giving up alcohol for a month will be the biggest change. This morning I weighted 194 pounds and had a body fat % of over 20%. This is pretty high than my usual. We shall see where I am by the end of the month.

Giving up alcohol should be easy enough for this month. There are no Vikings football games to watch. I have no friends out here outside of work. The only challenge will be at the work happy hour in a few weeks, but I can just have tea or something like that.

The toughest thing is to keep busy. Usually on a weekend, we’ll stop in for a beer after a long day of being active. Skipping that will be a little tough. But I know I can do it.

How about it? Anybody else going to give up alcohol for Jan?

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Annoyance

Today, I’m annoyed. As you know, I’ve been mulling over the idea of moving to Minneapolis sometime next year. It’s tough decision and I’m still not at all sure what I want to do.

But my annoyance is with my girlfriend. She went and told her family about us possibly moving back. And of course like any good family does, the gossip starts. And now I’m sure everyone in the family thinks or knows that we will possibly come back.

This annoys me because it’s an outside influence. If we go back, I want to go back because we want to not because someone is pressuring us to. I don’t want to talk about it with them and I don’t even want to include them. Fuck.

So now, I feel really alone. I already was feeling lonely since almost everyone I knew and cared about lived a long ways away. I feel like I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this stuff. I did feel like I could talk to my girlfriend about it, but now I know I can’t. I can’t talk about anything with her or it will go directly to the gossip land back in MN. I don’t want to deal with this shit.

Basically, the only person I can talk to about this is a blog on the internet about cubicles.

Annoyed.

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