People or Place?

This is the question that’s gone through my head a thousand times over the past 3 weeks.

About 7 months ago I moved across the country.  I was in Minneapolis, MN and have moved out to San Francisco, CA.  It was our little adventure.  My girlfriend and I had been wanting to do this for a long time.  We came out here about 4-5 years ago on vacation and just loved the city.  Then came back a couple of times before moving just to make sure.  It’s beautiful here and the weather is amazing.  I’m loving the big city feel and all of the options for stuff to do.  Plus my job is great.  It’s with a pretty laid back company and everything is going well.  My girlfriend’s job is okay.  She’s not liking it a ton, but the money is pretty good.

So for what it’s worth, everything is going great out here.  I like where I work.  I like where we live.  I like the weather.  I like the big city.  I even don’t mind the homeless people.  So why am I thinking about giving it all up?  I’m not sure, but I think it’s because I have friends and family back in Minnesota.

It’s pretty weird not knowing anyone out here.  I know I will meet people, but what’s weirder is that everybody I do know and care about still lives in Minnesota.  I feel like I have this new life out here, but nothing is happening with it.  I still think about the people back in MN daily and almost feel left out of what they’re doing back there.  I feel like we spent a lot of time and effort getting out here, but really we’re just back to square one.  Except now we don’t know anybody.

I’d never regret moving out here.  It’s been an awesome adventure and I’m really enjoying the new place.  But something just makes me feel like it’s temporary and not really home to me.  I know I could make it home with enough time and effort to make friends, but part of me doesn’t want to.  Part of me wants to go back to Minnesota and set up a pretty good life for myself with the people I do know.

It wouldn’t be easy.  I have a really easy life now.  I pay for an apartment and that’s about it.  No cars, no insurance, etc.  I don’t have any maintenance or anything like that to do.  Basically I live a comfortable care free life out here.  Back in MN things would be tougher.  There’s the weather.  There’s family obligations.  There’s having a car again.  There’s paying for heat in a place.  There’s just a lot of work.  But I’m wondering if the work would be worth it.

I hate to make any hasty decisions on this.  I’ve given myself until the one year mark where I can’t make any decisions whatsoever.  But it’s weird.  I thought today that if someone offered me an easy way to just move back right away I might take it.

I also hate to give up on this out here.  I feel like we worked and fought so hard for it, but now it feels empty and worthless.  I feel like it’s just another place with nicer weather.  It’s beautiful, but I don’t know it.  I know Minnesota.  I feel like an expert there and like I could be happy there for a long time.

Hmm I hate thinking about this.


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  1. #1 by Rajeev S on January 3, 2014 - 7:38 pm

    Hi there!
    I can so relate to this post of yours. We’re in a similar boat, having moved to SF from MN in June 2013. While I cannot relate to some of the things – we live in the east bay, not the city, we do have cars and a house and we have 2 school going kids, but I relate to almost everything else you mention. We’re also seriously thinking about moving back , and are compelled to wait it out till the end of 2014. Needless to say things will get clearer with time……but like you I just feel like I don’t want to, I just want to move back.
    If you feel like talking about how things go over the next few months, I’d be more than happy to connect. My email is
    Hope it works out for you.

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