How to cure swamp ass

I get hot all the time.  It could be the dead of winter, but I’m still hot.  It probably has to do with wearing dress pants and a button up shirt most days.  I walk or ride my bike to work and am usually sweating by the time I get to work.  Then it’s just stuffy enough in the office to keep me sweaty all day.

It doesn’t help that I sit most of the day.  The chair doesn’t breathe and my pants seem to form a sauna.

I’ve always suffered from “swamp ass”.  I’ve tried everything.  Here are a few things I’ve done to stop it.

A cold burst – End your shower with a cold burst.  A lot of times I get out of a hot shower and am actually sweating.  It seems like I can never stop sweating in the morning if I do this.  I love hot showers, but have to have a cold burst at the end to cool off.  Then I dry off and stay dry.  Which leads me to…

Start dry – After showering in the morning, make sure that you’re completely dried off down there.  Use a blow dryer if you have to.  This makes a huge difference.  If you start the day damp, then throw on some stuffy pants, you’ll never get dry on your own.  Then once you’re dry apply…

Gold Bond – Gold Bond is basically baby powder for adults.  It has menthol in it and feels like sitting on a block of ice.  Make sure you’re dry when you sprinkle some on though or else you’ll have a mess.  Gold Bond is best used with…

Moisture wicking underwear – Get the good kind.  I always grew up wearing regular boxers.  They’d bunch up and be a sweaty mess.  Then someone told me about moisture wicking boxer briefs.  I tried them out and never went back.  They keep you cool, reduce chafing, and are very comfortable.  All of these things work, but are nothing compared to having…

A fan – This is by far the best way to keep cool all day and avoid swamp ass.  I bought a small desk fan the other day and it’s amazing.  Everybody should have one of these at their desks.  The thing was six bucks, but has completely changed my life.  There’s just something about having a constant breeze on me that makes a huge difference.  It keeps me cool and keeps the air from feeling stuffy.

Any other ideas?

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4 thoughts on “How to cure swamp ass

  1. Steve

    Avoid synthetic fibers. I know, I know, they are great. They are light even when soaked with sweat, don’t need ironing etc. But they stink. A little sweat and they smell like ass.

    Wear natural fibers to prevent the swamp.

  2. Pingback: I’m Surviving… « Surviving the Cubicle

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